this is totally random but.
my dog has been with me ever since i was in... like...primary 3?
now im 21. and she's still with me. wad a sturdy old dog. nice.

back then i was still living in Katong, living directly opposite my primary school...

my bedroom was carpetted...in light pink...i had a pink study desk, wardrobes in shades of pink, and of course, a pink bed (well it all came in 1 set u see)
i seriously think xiaxue would love my ex-bedroom.

the flooring in the living room was made of dark grey granite tiles...
there was a little porch, where i used to ride my bicycle round and round in circles looking like an idiot.

i remember the neighbours... most of em...
1 of my neighbour's wife passed away in the Silk-Air MI 185 plane crash unfortunately...
1 of my neighbour's son, so coincidentally studied in the same junior college as me, several years after we moved out...

1 of the neighbours who lived just beside us, became enemies with us, and i vaguely remember a quarrel which took place. - it was a heated verbal argument between the adults, and i was sent to my room. all i could do was watch from upstairs, through the window directly above all the 'action'.
the argument escalated, and neighbours from other units came and tried to mediate.
i felt like i had to... do something... yet i was so young, i was powerless...
in my despair, i found some newspapers, crushed them into balls, and threw them down, aiming at the nasty neighbours.
but the wind blew them away in the opposite direction, and no one really noticed my tiny little presence.
oh well, powerless.
things would be different, if it happened today, oh i swear.
u wanna bully my parents? no way in hell.
today, id bloody scream at stupid kids who abuse animals, like use stick to poke cat etc etc. i hate people who fucking abuse animals, and i wont hesitate to tell him/her off.

***

oh well, the silly things i used to do.

***

i remember there was once, my dad took my dog to school while fetching me home, and all my classmates came over to play with it.
i suddenly asked my dad 'will chloe die...?'
and 1 random girl replied 'of course she will die lah!'
i mean like, DUH, everything dies, but back then, i dunno y but i felt insulted and kinda angry over what she said.
i guess this is what we call...denial...?

***

i remember we'd randomly get called to the dentist for checkups,
and i seriously hated hated hated it.
the sights, the SOUNDs, and the SMELL of the dental clinic REALLY traumatized me.
there was once i got called to go for checkup, and while making my way from the classroom, down the walkway, past the canteen...
i actually sneaked off to make a phone call to my mum, and BEGGED her to come down to school, refusing to tell her wad was wrong...
since my house was just opposite, my mum came down...
and when she realised wad was going on, she dragged me to the clinic, where i got reprimanded by her, the nurses, and even the teacher. ZZZ. made me hate the whole dental checkup thingy even more!

***

i remember in upper primary, when my boobs had started to develop a little...
my mum forced me to wear baby-bras which she had bought me, instead of the singlets that i'd been wearing prior to that...
and the baby-bras disturbed me because, they had a little bit of padding, and when i put my shirt on, there were 2 slight 'bumps' at my chest????

at that time, i thought it was disgusting to have boobs, and i really really thought it was 'cool' to be flat. haha
so everyday, after my mum dressed me up, id secretly change out of the baby-bra, and put on my usual singlet, while she was preparing/changing herself... and then hide the baby-bra somewhere.
this continued for a while, until 1 day, my mum finally noticed that the bra which she had supposedly put on for me earlier in the morning, was mysteriously lying around somewhere at home...
she then came to school to 'confront' me.
sibei fierce.

i remember we were having a reading period in class, and there wasn't any teacher present.
my mum walked in, with her gaze directed straight at me.
i felt tension building up as the class quietened and watched the drama that was about to erupt, between mother and daughter. and my heart began to pound faster and faster.
she pulled out the baby-bra that i was supposed to wear, and there were soft gasps, as classmates wondered WTH was happening?!
then she said something like, 'very clever ah? what r u wearing now? shame shame anot? neh-neh grow already still dun wanna wear bra ah? not shy ah? GO AND CHANGE!'
a super embarrassing and humiliating 'speech'.
it really really left an impact on me, im sure u can tell, judging from how i can remember all the details? haha
i remember after it happened, i asked my best friend, "still wanna be my friend or not?"
LOL!!!
simply because i felt that i was humiliated to such an extent that everyone would find me disgusting and not wanna b my friend.
but thankfully, ever since i was a young child, i learnt that some friendships are stronger that what u think, and it warms my heart to know that i have some very close friends who have been by my side for many, many years. =)
anyway, i was studying in an all-girls school, so not that bad la. haha
and in case u were wondering, today, i like boobs, i love boobs, and no longer do i wanna be flat, of course! haha.

***

i used to worry that my parents would die, each time they went out of the house, each time they dropped me off at school, each time they left me, in general.
so, i thought, in order to kinda, prevent that from happening, i could say a little 'chant' everytime i parted ways with them.

- rule no. 1. i believed u should never say BYEBYE, cuz it sounds like its THE END. so i'd always say SEE YOU LATER DADDY/MUMMY

- rule no. 2. i believed in attaching a little prayer. and somehow it settled on ZHU NI PING AN WU SHI

- rule no. 3. i belived that if i repeated the chant as many times as possible, it'd be more powerful. so i'd repeat ZHU NI PING AN WU SHI a few times in a row. but that sentence was too long lah. so gradually i started repeating just the first word - ZHU ZHU ZHU ZHU. wth so lame!!!

- rule no. 4. i believed that after i got sick and tired, and felt that id repeated sufficient numbers of ZHUs, i had to round off the whole chant by repeating the fact that, they will not die, and that i'd see them later. so the last sentence would be, once again, SEE YOU LATER.

***

so to give an example of how my little hilarious chant sounded like, here it is:
SEE U LATER DADDY/MUMMY, ZHU NI PING AN WU SHI, ZHU ZHU ZHU ZHU .... X 10... SEE YOU LATER!
*rolls on floor laughing*
i used to be damn cute larrr!
if my future kid does that to me... omg... lol...i will juz... run over and hug him/her tightly in my arms, and smile with joy =D

lastly, i was also quite a scary/sadistic kid...
i dunno y but i had some satanic beliefs inside me... =x
i believed that, in exchange for good things to happen to my parents, and for them to be safe,
i had to hurt myself.
like, for every bad thing that happened to me, something good would happen to my parents.
so, id do silly things like, put my finger by the doorframe, then kinda like, slam the door on my finger so that i would hurt.
or i would simply,not breathe. i used to hold my breath for as long as i could, thinking that by inflicting pain/discomfort onto myself, God or whoever, would bless my parents in return.
how sick is that??!!
anyway, im glad i didnt do anything too drastic or scary, like slit my wrists or wad.. *gasp*.. and that i grew up becoming a pretty much normal (hmm?) person...
but isnt it nice to see that since i was young, i was already filial, and willing to sacrifice myself in order to protect my parents???

im sure if my parents know of all the thoughts that go through my head...
they'd feel like they're the luckiest parents in the whole world...
but obviously they dont lar. whole day nag at me. arghss..
and iv never really told them about all these...
mayb i should uh?
or mayb i should just give them my blog link?
hahas

anyway, super duper random post.
back to f*ckin studyin. -_-